Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
