so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
high people should be assigned attendants
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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