Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
