I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
