why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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