I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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