Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
