I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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