I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
