she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are two peas in an std pod
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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