hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize