What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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