I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
