I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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