I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
