can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
