The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize