Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
