we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
