So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
