I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
