Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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