I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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