I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
