jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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