im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
