I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
