The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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