Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
