google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
