Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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