WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
