Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
