Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
