Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
