I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
