ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You have to summon your inner elephant
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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