Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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