just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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