i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
