Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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