im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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