I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
