jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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