Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
