Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
