PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
