Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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