he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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