Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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