He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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