yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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