it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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