So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
