you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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