i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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