I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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