Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
