I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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