He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
