yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
