i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize