Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
