He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
