i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The feeling are messing with the penis
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
