You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
