he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize