Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
