yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
