Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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