I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
