I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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