Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
