she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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