I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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