just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
