smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
