I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
