Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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