Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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