alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
