Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize