i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
