Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
