the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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