There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
