Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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