he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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