Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
