Is it because I queefed?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im part way to drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
