So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
