i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
