I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
