Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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