Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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