How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
