He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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