i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
