is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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