My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
